You're jazzy with out a care

Yesterday was a sad day. inevitably it was my last day of work at the Boutique garage, I will really miss the people there, I met such wondering people. some are people who I would have never talked to before or ever considered calling them a friend. now, I do not know what I will do with out them. they changed me, I am less shy more outgoing, more daring now. they opened a whole new world for me, one I wish to never leave behind.

I have never heard silence quite this loud

That awkward moment when two people's wandering eyes meet.

 The butterflies and the urge to do something about it. 

Something that seems almost impossible to do. 

the extremely scary thought of making a fool of oneself is overwhelming so much that you cannot, will not do anything about the butterflies, just hoping, yerning for the other individual to act.

Nothing happens. 

Like always.

Why is it so hard to express our feelings, to let them know what and how we feel. why are people so scared of rejection of making a fool of themselves, the worse thing that could happen is they say 

NO.

Two letters,

One syllable,

It is simple enough, then why is it so scary. 

We all want to be strong, but in the end, 

We are just a bunch of 

Scared little 

Beings. 

I Will Be With You Where Ever You Go, Through the Eyes of the Fly on the Wall.

So. Love.
What is love, really.
Four letters, one syllable and a whole lot of meaning.
What what is this meaning?
Is love that shaky feeling you get one looking at a special someone?
Is it the heart wrenching feeling you get when someone who you think is supposed to always be there for you but lets you down once again?
Or is it that splendid feeling you get when He or She makes you feel wanted?
Or is it just the result of a some Neurotransmitters and chemicals in our brains?
Who Knows>
And a Special someone?
What does that mean? Someone who you could not live with out?
Your best friend?
The last person you think about at night before bed?
The person you would do anything for?

It makes me wonder. What everything means, why we do certain things, Behave in certain ways.

That moment, when we think everything is about to fall apart. Are we in such a mess because we love that person or is it our unconscious taking over, it's own way of saying that our need of feeling wanted, of being important to someone is no longer as fulfilled as it once was.

Are we so upset because we are losing someone we love, or are we upset because one of our basic psychological needs appears to be at risk?

I suppose no one really knows the answer to that question.
Perhaps it is better to keep an illusion of love and everything that goes with it.

Through personal experience I strongly believe that, as said in the song Everything we Had by The Academy is, if you "take the pain out of love and love won't exist".
After all, if you don't feel pain when it all comes crashing down then how can you claim to have ever loved them?

No amount of vintage dresses give you dignity

wow, it has been a while. A long while.
I guess you can say I've been busy this summer, and now university has started. I still find it hard to believe I am actually in university.
If I rewind time back by three years I would never had even dreamed of getting this far. It is an amazing feeling. It really is, and I'm excelling. It half makes we want to rub it into the faces of some of my teacher, I am sure a lot of them never anticipated i would end up where I am now. it truly is a great feeling.

So much has also changed. There are only 5 people of all of those I spend time with, almost wasted time with that I still consider good friends. There were so many in high school that it felt like one needed to impress, and a mere three years pass and I can't help be feel like I wasted so much time trying to morph into something they would have accepted, all that time was essentially just thrown away, but then again, I was young and naive, how I was suppose to know how things would turned out.

All that counts now is that I've learned, grown since then, I know I don't need to pretend, I am me, and no one can take that away from me. If you don't like me. Then you are not worth my time.
simple as that, and simple as
six words,
21 letters.
Good Bye, have a Nice Life.

Let's Kill tonight.

Okay. So here is the deal.
I WANT TELL YOU TO GO FUCK YOURSELF.
But then again,
I do not want to go and blow it out of proportion.
But I'm Pissed.
Really.
Really pissed. And there is a legitimate reason.
Him.
Starts with J.
ends with a
N.
And I am just at my breaking point.
perhaps. It's complicated.
Yes, I understand doing nothing is boring.
But then again, not wanting to do anything i propose is just about the same.
SO DON'T COMPLAIN!

So what i want to say is. I am not ready to give up. I am scared he is.
which is very very very scary. Like, argh. It makes me cry. and a whole lot more. But I'm trying. I'm a student i don't have millions to go blow like your stupid friend. But that does not give you the right to ditch me for them. I see you two fucking days of the week and you don't even make an effort, it's heart breaking.
So, I'm hope he grows out of it. or Bye Bye us i guess.
Sadly.



On brighter news, CEGEP is almost done :)

You're trading heart beats baby.

So, here is the thing.
I'm stuck. very stuck.
You see, I am very happy. But I sometimes get thinking and then questions my happiness,which I do not believe is a bad thing, Aristotle said a good life is a life of contemplation. So it is perfectly fine to question thing. But what the real problem is that this contemplation is making me think and want the attention of someone. Someone from whom i should not be seeking attention from. That is the problem. And like seriously, if I was currently single i would not even second guess him. Oh well, I will push it to the back of my mind to think about another time.

off to Montreal. chow.

You could have been something, you could have been something memorable.

It is weird. Really weird. There is this guy I know. I used to talk to him often, we hung out a lot too. we half lost contact. Especially with college and all. But our parents still see each other because our brothers play hockey together. Which makes losing contact with him quite pathetic, actually. Anyway, to get to the point. Our parents have been talking and I feel as if they are almost trying to hook us. which slightly scares me. One because well it would be slightly odd if my mom tried to break me and my boyfriend up to have me go out with someone else. I just find it weird. But it may not be so abnormal, I guess if the parents do not like their children's boyfriend or girlfriend it may not be so abnormal. Oh well. Sometimes I find it is funny because my mom is like Omg. He thinks you are really pretty. Omg. you have so much stuff in common. It makes me laugh. What bothers me the most about all this is that we could have dated. IN the tenth grade I had the biggest crush on him. It was crazy. And well I guess I half stopped liking him. Met my boyfriend and my feelings changed. I just hope Our parents do not do anything stupid and end up hurting someone.