They lied when they said the good die young.

they also lie when they say everything is fine. But I believe that is a completely different story.
So. Schools out. Awesome. For the most part. I was dead sick. Finnaly getting better, which makes me very happy.
Christmas is almost here. Which also means that as every minute passes it gets closer and closer to the 27 of december. Which makes me VERY VERY happy. It makes me happy because on the 27 of December Natalie will be here. I have not seen her in a year so I am very very very very excited. Who wouldn't be?
However, as with everything good thing there is a bad thing. And that would be a certain someone I work with. I hate her. I'm just tired of working with her really. It like argh grow up. Especially now that she has gotten a promotion. She is supposed to set an example. But she doesn't Saturday she mocked a client, she doesnt do her job properly and most of all she is 16 and immature. oh well. She's gonna be gone by the end of the summer. So all will be well. :). I hope.

I cannot believe it, last semester of cegep already. It has gone by sooo fast, I will be applying to university soon. Rediculous. I'm excited for this too.

It seems as if there are more thing thats I am excited for than that I makes me upset. Which is good. And I'm not complaining. Just scared things will change :S

I'll just deal with that when the time comes.
bye bye.

Everyone Knows There is a Party at The End of The World

wow. the semester is over.
it went by so unbelievably fast.
I believe it may have broken the speed of sound.
Well, maybe not. But my point has been proven.
I am excited to be able to sleep in and not have homework, but I will so muss my friends, and my teachers. It was a fun semester. minus a few set backs.


Argh. I had the weirdest dream last night. It was actually fairly plausible which I think is what scares me the most. normally my dreams are beyond ridiculous and could never happen. Although, I don't ever see this dream actually occurring it happened in a very normal and plausible way. I would like to know what it meant, but I probably never will. I just hope it does play out in real life because there would be some very angry people.

Anywho, I have an Introduction to methodology paper that will not do itself so I should get back to work. And then to dreaming odd dreams.

You are the only exception.

Why is it that when your single you meet all the cuties.
Like seriously.
What. The. Fuck...... I think it is really unfair.
Also, why did the super cute athletic friend not start to show interest before.
Like when you were still single, instead of acting NOW and maybe making things awkward.
If I were single I would defiantly give him a chance.
I've been with my boyfriend for almost six months and really, really, really like him. I am not about to leave him because suddenly you show interest.
But like if you had showed it more before you would have had a chance.
Oh well. Things happen for reasons.
Its just annoying.
And cute boys. Oh my god. Why do u always show up at the wrong time!!!!!


Reality is stupid. Point black. That is why I think all this occurs.

I thought you said that you said you'd come find me, I thought you said you'd be home by now.

I hate you, and then I love you.
It is like I want to throw you off a cliff.
And then Rush to the bottom and catch you.

Just thinking about it makes my heart flipp.

A year ago I would not shut up about him to my best friend. The hot baker. I tried to convince her multiple times to go and try and see him. I wondered if I ever had a chance with him.

Four and a half months ago. I no longer wondered, I was his. The impossible almost seemed to become possible. I went from being someone he never noticed to first priority.


Two and half months ago. Everything was perfect.

Now. I once again cried. He once again doesn't catch the sarcasm. everything came out. I have no clue what is going to happen now. I can just hope we can make this work.

I really do like him a lot. Maybe almost love him. If i didn't care I would not cry myself to sleep. I'm willing to put all my effort in this to make it work.

Hopefully he will do the same.....

Black. White. 3D

I love going to the movies, with the big screen and the sound systems, But as of lately I haven't been enjoying it as much. There is this new 3D trend with just annoys the hell out of me. I hate watching Movies in 3D i cant focus on anything and so its all fuzzy and gives me head aches. And now, it seems as if every other movie that comes out is 3D.

Step up 3D was well done, but I still did not enjoy watching it, it gave me head achs still, and I don't know, I'm not a fan of having people's hands being throne into my face. The dances, however were really good. I was impressed. One movie, on the other hand, Clash of the titans, was horrible in 3D. It was done so badly, half way through I decided to take my glasses off. things were almost clearer that way.


on to other things that have nothing to do with black white and 3D...

I cannot wait for my books to arrive, they should be here soon. I've been waiting for these book for almost a week now. Hopefully they should come in this afternoon or tomorrow. I want to read them.

Eau.

Hampton beach :)
Well, so far it is not as fun as i wish it would be, considering my annoying ass brother who is 16 but acts like hes 2 is here and has made it his mission to do anything possible to piss me off. He does this at home too, and my boyfriend even noticed it and he to does not understand why my parents do nothing to stop him. Every so often here she will say something, but it falls along the lines of your annoying if you do not stop I'll.... (something or other) but its the same thing every single time. And he knows she's not going to do anything so he just continues. He's 16 and she still has to remind him to not spend all his money at once, as if it was the first time he's giving any sort of cash. It is really sad. She wants him to get a job next year, but he is no way mature enough for one. I see him being fired in like a week. Its sad to say, but very much truee.

Anyway, back to hampton.
Sadly, we're here when the tides are high in the day and low at night, and the water isn't rough so its hard to find shells or sand dollars. I know for sure I'm coming back next summer with friends. It will be so much more fun, although we still wont be old enough to go out to the bars :'(. We'll just have to make sure we bring someone who is at least 21 who can buy alcohol for us. :)
Shopping so far has been really good. The jewelry i bought was a little expensive, but clothes wise I've got some good deals, I cannot wait to go shopping at the mall, and I still have to go get little gifts, I think I'm going to get Jo a shirt, his dad this Harley davidson sticker, his mom and sister a bracelet. little things, and well I have know clue what I'm going to get Nat I have to get her something really neat, but I don't know what yet, and Sam, I'm getting her a book. That's not going to bed hard. XD

Argh.

Is. Fucking. Sick. Of. This.

I might be slightly over reacting. But I think this is as bad as it is making me feel. Is it really nothing to fret about when you Boyfriend goes out for supper with his ex, while you asked him to hang out a few hours before, getting no reply from him at all that evening. To me it is something to fret over very much so. To me it seems almost like he was sneaking around. he says he didn't tell me because he didn't want me to freak out, if he had told me "hey i can't do anything tonight because imalittlewhore asked me to go do something, I'll see you tomorrow" or something like that, i would have taking it differently, because it shows that hes not hiding it and that it isn't something I should be worried about it. Now finding the text and realizing it was when he was not answering me all night makes me fucking pissed and gives the idea of sneaking. And now, tonight having the guts to invite me to go eat and then tell me never mind because he's half way there and my friend cant make it until seven just makes it all that much more pleasing. I want to slap him.
It's all scaring me because I like him a lot. A lot more than i probably should and they way he's been acting almost seems like he doesn't care. i feel like we're hanging by mire threads that are starting to split. And I'm pretty sure there are a few people just waiting for those threads to break.

Neu.

New layout. :) Well, new picture and colours. I'm really happy with it aswell. It took long enough to make, I was really undecided. XD.
Another thing I am very excited for is my hair cut. which is comming up. It should be this friday. I can't wait. my hair is over grown and balhh. mostly my bangs, but its also getting very think and so when i let it lose to girl it buggs me so much because it is to think.

ASAP

Argh. I hate it when people don't answer their cells. what is the point of having one if you aren't ever going to answer it. It is sooooo madning. It makes we want to slap Jo when he does it. And sometimes it is for something important to. like i need to know if he can drive me tomorrow morning, but he wont answer so I don't know if my brother has to bring me or not. very very very annoying.

& No One Really Knew, It was Really Only You.

I need a new layout. New Pictures and new colours. But I can not find any that I like its frustrating. Just like my hair. It is really pissing me off. Its all Puffy thick and blahhhh. I have the cut i want, but I want to add colour. & I have yet to figure out what colours I want. I am thinking of keeping the current colour I have as a base with red and black streak splattered just about everywehere. Some think, some thing. I think it would be nice, with red in my bangs. I pretty much just have to call the hair dresser now. But I dont like using phones.

At least I don't have a phobia of them thought. I have a friend who is petrified of them. Its pretty funny actually. I wonder if he is scared of cell phones to. That would suck. And maybe explain why he hardly ever replies.

Oh, and before I forget. HAPPY CANADA DAY <3.
I highly doubt I will be doing anything either. Which sucks ass. My boyfriend is stuck working, Jen is MIA and everyone else is in Montreal. Well other then David and them, but I Haven't heard from them so oh well. I guess I'll just make my room super clean. hahaha. Maybe. We will see I guess.

Slightly Heeping.

Okay. So I work in this restaurant. It is not a formal restaurant. Its main product is coffee. But there are also sand whiches soups. donuts danishes muffins and what not. so I guess its a coffee shop more or less. Being a student I work Weekends, and since I'm done school I work during the week. And I Feel like I'm back in high school every one. and during the week they all wine to each other about something someone did. its horrible. If its not about someone taking to long of a break, or spending to much time in the kitchen its someone messing up another person's training. today the big issue was this one girl, who is not liked very much telling another girl she was putting to much chicken in a sand which. I guess it is now the end of the world to do this XD. it was funny, but got taken way out of hand. My boyfriend is the manager there and he sometimes gets frustrated with how a lot of the girls are. Frankly, I don't blame him, but he needs to start seeing what he is doing as babysitting a group of kids. There are always some who get along well with others, some who like to help out, some who like to cause trouble and ones who are lazy. which is the perfect portrayal of our group of workers. Although I don't have anything against any one. They are all really nice. And like where ever you go, work, school, there are always those who don't know how to behave or work. Its just something you need to learn to deal with.

Tinkle. Tinkle.

I never realized how dependent I had become to my cell phone.It's ridiculous. And thankfully, Berry Jr. is here and I can hear from people. I no longer feel alienated from my world. Hahaha. How pathetic :( Oh welll

Soo. Berry Jr. is a girl this time. Hehe. and she is all silver and purdy. like my prom dress actually. I'm having tourbles typing though. But I'm sure it will pass. once I get used of it, hopefully by the end of the week XD.One thing I keep doing that makes me laugh, and feel retarded all the time is touching the screen hoping it will bring me to my texts, forgetting I no longer have a touch screen.

Everyone loves Tim hortons coffee

NOT.
Berry didnt. And now he's dead. :'(
It's depressing & aggravating. Its like my only contact with certain people, and the worse part is I cant even get into my contacts to call them XD. I had to tract down three people yesterday to get my boyfriend's number. Only for him to get to the restaurant 30 minutes later with his parents to unload the truck XD. So. This morning I went to Granby. To future shop wear I bought the phone, I knew that phone wasn't on guarantee and most likely was not able to be fixed. But i figured i wouldn't have to pay full price to replace it because I have a forfait. But noooo. So now I have to pay 400$ for a new phone. which is the cheapest. I should have never taken a black berry. even if he was much loved. Stupid coffee and klutsiness.

Today was a fairy-tale. I wore a dress.

You wore dark gray t-shirt. You told me I was pretty when I looked like a mess. Today was a fairytale <3


Although today hasn't exactly been a fairytale,
and I am not wearing, or have worn a dress in the recent past;
life recently has been a fairytale.
Especially not today. I managed to embarrassed myself in front of a bunch of clients today at work. Trying to be nice and not make the door slam right by them. I loss grip of the tray thingy we use to pick of dishes (that is supposed to avoid events such as this) and dropped it on the floor. In attempt to re-catch it. which was stupid. I got splashed with cold coffee. Not fun, at all. Everyone was like "omg! are you okay" while I was an idiot sitting there laughing at myself; And only concerned about not breaking any dishes. which I managed to do. I'm actually pretty proud about that, I've been there for a year and have only broken one cup :D. Compared to Anne who has broken tones of them XD. Any who. Back to fairy-tales and dresses. :)
Life has been a fairytale lately because of of certain Jonathan. who looks very very very very good in black. I think I may have forgotten a very :P.
He is just incredible. He surprised me though. Went I first met him I found him to be very shy. But he actually isn't. Idk if I just intimidated him some how. I highly doubt it. but you never know. I had had my eye on him for a while. but never thought anything would ever happen./ first of all because he is my boss' son. and because he like became supervisor/manager we began to talk a lot more. and he started to come see me and one thing led to never talked until this spring. Which is a little weird. But you know, you never know what can happen. when he another and we found ourselves dating. Which I really wasn't sure about at first. I didn't know whether to believe everything he would say. I glad I gave him a chance because he is really a good guy. A little uncertain about things. But I love him anyway.
His family is great too. I love spending time there they are supper funny. and generally fun people to be around. :)

You wore dark gray t-shirt. You told me I was pretty when I looked like a mess. Today was a fairytale <3

Today was a fairytale, You've got a smile that takes me to another planet, Every move you make everything you say is right, Today was a fairytale.

Line and phrases, like knives, your words can cut me through

Why.
Its all comes down to that three letter word
why.
Why does everything have to be so hard. so complicated and so frustrating?
why does everything have to go against me.
Why can't it just be simple like it is for everyone else?
Why can't it, for just once, turn out good for me?
Why does it always have to smash down in my face?
And most defiantly why does it have to hurt so much.

It's almost like there is this law preventing me from ever being happy for longer then a week. When ever things seem to be going well. Boom. it has to come crashing down. For once id like to come out on top and actually be happy of what happened. Actually get the result i want and find that happy place and keep it.

It seems like ever since the beginning it has been a series of up and downs. big downs. Long downs which i can only get out through the help of someone who drops me down even lower. It's like some continuous cycle that no matter how hard i try to get out of i can't.

All i want to for everything to actually work out for once, to be able to feel the comfort of knowing someone will actually care if u disappeared forever.

I am, I am a zombie

I am a Zombie, and most definitely not a Homewreaker you little douche, but don't worry i still love you.
i cant believe you'd actually think I'd go and like try to break them up. He's hot and all, but i ain't no whore. I don't get pleasure out of breaking people up. And i will not follow in the footsteps of some people who have. It's stupid.
but like seriously, you're my friend. you should know i wouldn't do this. god.
i want to slap you :)

he is hot however, and do want to be his friend. and if in anytime in the near future he decides to leave his girlfriend i will not be my fault. i will completely innocent. so to all you whores out there, i will not follow in your footsteps.

You dismantle me

You really do, especially when you wear spandex tights!
argh, if there is one thing that i really hate is when girls wear spandex leggings or tights or w/e they are called, with a top that isnt made to be worn with them. Its like are you to lazy to put on a proper pair of pants? Its really not hard. or a longer shirt. One that covers the camel toes and jelly buts. Its really discusting, and frankly, i dont want to see it. Its not so bad when a healthy looking skinny girl wears them, like a person who wears Size 0 but doesnt look like she hasnt ate in a week. And they only make a very very very small portion ofthe population. its just not nice to see and i wish people, girls, would just stop doing that to themselves.

Run Don't Walk The Sky is Falling Through

Okay so here's the deal.
There is this boy and I've known him for a while. We've often come very close to being more than friends and every time something seemed to have gone wrong. Something stupid such as bad timing, stupid opinions and utter stupidity on my part. And now I think there is a good chance for us to be Something other then friends but once again its getting complicated. We plan something and then something comes up and we have to cancel. its getting especially annoying since I have only one week before I'm back to school and back to my busy schedule of school and work.
Also, I met someone. who is older, which I also believe would make the person more mature. However, I'm not entire sure about him because he is, after all, four years older than me and I've never dated someone older than me. I don't know if he will be expecting things that I'm not prepared for and so on. Also I don't even know if he's interested to begin with. but I think searching through Facebook for me with only my first name says something. Or he's a creeper xD.

Tell me how you love me now

It's insane how things just fall appart. Its frightening as well. One of my friends just ended things with his girlfriend of almost three years. It wasnt like we heard much about her, but i personaly did not see it comeing. I knew things were a bit iffy, but they had been together for three years it was probably nothing they havent had to deal with before.
He says that he is alright, but i dont think he is. i know he loved her and it must be hard. hearing about things like this, events such as theirs makes me wonder if all this glamour given to relationships is really worth it. Do i really want to put alot of effort in something that will just fall appart a few years down the rode. I guess we live and learn. Deal with the past and move on in the future but its still frightening. One comment that he had was that he hadnt been single for three years. that he doesnt know how it is. I guess that is a concern, but its not so big of a deal, i think id be more scared of a relationship as serious as theirs. Mainly because you never know what can happen. what if the other person was just with you because he or she was to scared to call it off earlier. that they dont feel the same way as you do about them. luckily we're still young but what if they were older. what if they had made scacrifies because of the other and then it just falls about. how are they going to feel then. what if they gave up a big oppurtunity for somthing they thing they have to just have it crumble.
but i guess trust plays a large part in this. You trust the other person enough that you dont need to worry about that. YOu love them and trust their word that they love you too. I guess this is just life and its better that things happen to us now when we are younger then when we are older and can be more problimatic.
Above all i hope he'll be okay. He's a great guy and i dont want to lose him to this.

We made a dizzy mess of everything, but it was enough

Okay. so here is the deal.
My social life had been very, blahh, i guess i could say the last few months. Between work on the weekends and school during the week i didn't really have much time to go out. Which was very sad because I am a newly turned 18 year old and I've wanted to go to a bar or club for quite some time now. after having gone in Europe I just could not wait to go in Canada; however, my oh so busy schedule did not allow me to do so :'(

Any who, i went out this last Thursday and had a great time. The Dj wasn't that good though, but it didn't matter. I also didn't drink. which i got criticism for. but i have a good reason for not doing so. i went with just one person who was drive and so she wasn't going to drink and drinking is no fun alone.

the bar wasn't exactly what i expected. and the dance floor was really crowded; nevertheless we still had fun. we also laughed a lot. there was this one guy who kept trying to dance with my friend and it took everything she had not to laugh in his face because he had had a little to much to drink and his dancing consisted of wobbling back and forth like a bobble head. My friend named him the retarded hamster.

there were also some creepers like this one guy who would just not leave us alone and what make it even creepier is the guy with him looked like a teacher at out old high schoool. There was however, these three guys who i had spotted at the beginning of the night. they were rather cute too, i ended up dancing with one of them. he was pretty cool but i left in a rush and didn't think of asking for his phone number. all i got was his name. so i figured "oh well, I'll probably never see him again so who cares" well, i guess i was wrong. with only knowing my first name he tracked me down on facebook. Now i don't know if i should be excited or creeped out. because I'm pretty sure there are thousands of Samanthas on Facebook. so i can only think of two reasons as to why he went to all this trouble. One; i made that much of an impression on him, Or he's a creeper.
Hopefully its the first one.